Naija Jokes

[omos]

A political aspirant was asked the question during one of those debates:
”After the tragedy in New York and Washington September 11, the question arises: WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF NIGERIA IS ATTACKED?”

He answered:
Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Nigeria we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks, given the following reasons…

1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated buildings.

2. We all get on the job late in the morning, so at 8.45am there won't be sufficient people to kill.

3. Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.

4. The Nigeria airways would surely have fouled up the terrorists' plans by being delayed again, and of course losing the luggage - containing the bombs.

5. A Nigerian would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.

6. If a terrorist was living for one year in Nigeria (Oshodi), he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back home long time ago.

7. In Nigeria the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.

8. In Nigeria "Egbe" (juju) go don make all the passengers disappear before the thing hit Mushin or Ajegunle.

You see...in Nigeria we are well prepared.

[olokun]

LMAO!

[olokun]

A father told his son about the new bicycle he was going to buy. The son replied, "That's great, dad! I'll ride over to my friend's house, and I'll ride into town, and I'll pick up my girlfriend so we can ride around on it together!" The father slapped his son hard across the face and roared, "What? With my new bicycle? How dare you!"

[Nosa]

lol, nice one.

[omos]

After the ADC plane crash, the safest form of transportation in Nigeria today is officially trekking.

[binibabe]

Na true sha ;D

[omos]

Naija armed forces

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in Nigeria, The president narrowed the field to three finalists: the SSS, the Army, and the Nigerian Police force. The three contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The SSS went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The Army went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.

The Nigerian police went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling, " Okay, Okay, I agree, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

[olokun]

Funny and very poignant, Omos!

[omos]

It is not mine though, I saw it somewhere.

[binibabe]

i dont get it

[omos]

you don't get what, the joke?

[osagiator]

A rolling stone –Na person push am
A stitch in time – dey avoid further tear tear
Birds of the same feather – Na de same mama born dem
One good turn – Na power steering be that
A friend in need- na long throat kill am
A bird in hand- Na chops be that

[agbons]

A couple had two little mischievious boys,ages 8 and 10.they were always getting into troubles,and their parents know that if any mischief occurred in their town,their sons would get the blame.The boy's mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children,so she asked if he would speak with her boys.The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.So,the mother sent her 8-year-old first,in the morning,with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.The clergyman,a huge man with abooming voice,sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,''where is God?''The boy's mouth dropped open,but he made no response,sitting there with his mouth hangingopen.The clergyman repeated the question.''Where is God?''Again,the boy made no attenmpt to ans wer.So,the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,''where is God''.The boy screamed and bolted from the room.He ran diectly home and dove into his closet,slamming the door behind him.When his brother found him in the closet,he asked,what happened? the younger brother,gasping for breath,replied:''We are in real BIG trouble this time!God is missing,and they think we did it!''

[osagiator]

Lol, Nice one agbons.